Ranting and raving, wisdom and whimsy, from the mind of a madman, ...with links.

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October 2003
September 2003

Cartoons: There are no cartoons. I'm not a cartoonist. I'm just a guy with a lot of opinions and a strange sense of humor.

November 26, 2003

A now a word on the Holidays

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! As soon as I get home today I'll be prepping for all the cooking I'll be doing tomorrow. (YES, I can cook! Lower those eyebrows.)
I'm preparing a giant turkey, my mother's recipe for sweet potatoes (with raisins and a melted marshmallow topping), regular mashed potatoes, a little gravy, some cranberry sauce, plain stuffing, as well as stuffing with apples and chestnuts, a side dish of corn and a desert of pumpkin pie with a whipped cream or vanilla ice cream topping. Ummm umm, I love it all. I don't care about the pilgrims or anything like that; I just love turkey with all the trimmings.
Yes, I'm a fan of Tryptophan.
Almost everyone will be around, off and on, over the four-day weekend and we'll be gathering together for good food, and the warm company of friends and family. It's the same for us with Christmas. When some people, as they sometimes have, have pointed out that I'm not really much of a Christian and therefore should not celebrate, or according to some, "be allowed to celebrate", Christmas, I cheerfully tell them to "cram it with sugarplums, baby". I don't believe in Santa either, so what? That's not the point. The origins of Christmas don't go back to the birth of Jesus, despite what some Christians might think. Actually I once read that someone had calculated that Jesus was actually born in early June, about four BC. Which would mean that Christ was born about four years Before Christ? I guess some people will believe in anything.
Anyway I am given to understand that many of the modern 'Christmas' traditions, like mistletoe, the wreath, and the tree itself, are actually Pagan in origin anyway. Christians only celebrate the 'birth of their savior' when they do because they were trying to fit in with, and not aggravate, the pagans, who were celebrating the winter solstice. Not that I blame them, everyone knows not to mess with the Pagans, those guys will seriously mess you up. Not that I believe in any of the Pagan Gods either. It's all so much bother and nonsense as far as I'm concerned.
For me though, holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, (or Xmas as some of my more militant friends prefer,) have always been about spoiling little kids, the giving and receiving of gifts, spending quality time with friends and family, and of course more turkey.
Strangely, for me, I also enjoy many of the various Christmas movies. It's different for many of my aforementioned friends. They have an almost pathological aversion to anything traditional or Christian after having had all that stuff "rammed up their ass for years" as kids. That's an actual quote from one of my more brutally anti-any-tradition-you-can-think-of friends. This guy used to make a point of having pizza on Thanksgiving just to not conform. Forget that! I can find other ways to not conform and I can have pizza anytime.
Of course it was different for me, I didn't really have a religion forced on me as a child, and to be honest, I'm fascinated by it. The whole idea of it and its influence on things like art, history, and philosophy, over the ages. I love the History Channel specials on things like the lost testament of Mary Magdalene, or the Dead Sea Scrolls, and so on. I also love all the various movie versions of "A Christmas Carol" or "Scrooge" as it has come to be known in our increasingly monosyllabic culture. I especially love Bill Murray's "Scrooged." I even like the Easter movies like "The Ten Commandments" or the 1961 "King of Kings." I don't believe in them, but I enjoy them, and I enjoy Thanksgiving.
So I say stop on by and eat till you pass out. This year, after the parade, we'll be watching the new special edition DVD of "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers." Maybe from now on we'll make a full LOTR marathon our new tradition. Forget all the stuff about puritans seeking the freedom to repress themselves, burn witches, pass on smallpox, and otherwise kill or exploit the natives. That's not the point, hasn't been for years. I'm not sure it ever really was.
The point is we have time to spend together, I've got a free 22-pound turkey from the store, all the trimmings are on sale, and I'm cooking.

November 24, 2003

Transgenic Glowing Fish; First Harbinger of the Apocalypse?
I got the lead on this story from a buddy overseas.

It's a comfort to know it all began with the very best of intentions. It started when some scientist got the idea that it might be useful to genetically engineer a fish that glows when it encounters pollution so that we could know; where we need to clean up the ocean, what fish not to eat, and what-have-you. Sounds like a fine idea, right? So, the first step, create a new species of zebra fish that glows. Right about then some entrepreneurial business types see the new glowing fish and decide 'Hey that's pretty damn cool! I'll bet we could sell these little beauties to lots of people.'

So that's just what they're doing.

What's that you say? What about the FDA? What about the EPA? What about any unexpected effects should these transgenic fish be released into the wild? How about a study to see if any of this is safe?

Heh, heh, you people make me laugh. You are so predictable.

We don't have time to think about all that. There's money to be made. There's no fast profit in responsibility. I can hear you now 'Wait, someone should do something! We can't just allow this kind of thing to happen.'

Ha, Ha, Too late! The little monsters are already on sale right now in Taiwan. They won't be the last either. Even if these little aquatic beast don't do any harm to the environment, or the food chain, a bet I wouldn't care to make given the stakes! So what? This clearly illustrates is that it's just a matter of time. What about the next really cool transgenic oddity, or the one after that? Here again we see that humanity is its own worst enemy. Because we can't get along, because we can't be concerned with the big picture or long-term effects of anything we do. We can only look at the short-term gains that we personally might enjoy if only we could make our own novelty glowing zebra fish and get it to market before anyone else does. These little mutants will be available for sale here in the USA by next year. The FDA is claiming they have no jurisdiction since the glowing zebra fish aren't being marketed as food. Even if they did want to stop it they can't. They only operate in the US. Biologically speaking however, we don't just live in the US, do we?
No, we live on the planet, and this kind of biological contamination isn't concerned with borders, religions, or politics. If this kind of contamination happens anywhere, it happens everywhere. It's like spam, or computer viruses, on the Internet. You can pass all the laws you want locally, but unless you can enforce them globally, what's the point?

So what is the answer to all of this? Simple! We need a united world government that has the power and the wisdom to aid and encourage research, control development and distribution, protect the rights of the individual, protect the environment, eliminate criminal opportunities, and do it all globally.

Don't hold your breath though; you'll literally see flying pigs before anything like that happens.

Here's a link.
http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99994411

November 21, 2003

Lunar Eclipse in Antarctica this weekend
Be there!

What's that you say? You're not in Antarctica. You're not planning to ever be in Antarctica. No problem! These guys are hosting the whole thing live over the Internet. How cool is that?

Check out the site here: http://www.live-eclipse.org/index.html.en

November 19, 2003

Return of the Sunspots

Here we go again! Space.com and Spaceweather.com have the story and some cool links.
So, what is the real deal with all this? It's like a carnival in the sky.
Right this way folks; see wanton Coronal Mass Emissions, reckless and complex magnetic fields, and seductive Auroras, now appearing in the skies above you.
Not to mention yesterdays M-Class solar flare. (That's 'M' as in 'Medium' and not 'Menchura' as in the habitable planet classification, for you cadets out there.)
What really is going on and should we be worried about it? Well, I don't know what's going on, but after some reflection I can say that it is probably nothing to worry about. In fact I can say with some certainty that even if it is anything to be concerned about there is absolutely nothing to be done about it, so being worried would be a total waste of energy.
Sit back, relax, watch the show and if I'm wrong may we all be horribly scorched to death in some sudden and unexpected manner.
Now excuse me while I go put on another fresh coat of sun block.

http://www.spaceweather.com/

http://www.space.com/scienceastronomy/solar_weather_031119.html

November 12, 2003

"Is everyone here bananas?"

There is a scene in the movie "All of Me" where Steve Martin is confronted with the ridiculous and illogical behavior of a very rich woman (played by Lily Tomlin) and everyone around her. He suddenly steps back and asks very calmly "Is everyone here bananas?"
. . .
These days I feel that way all the time . . . about this entire planet.

In the news today . . . No, you know what? Whatever, I don't care. I'm not going to go down that road. No outrage about killers being acquitted! No comment on the non-story about a certain Royal family member who may, or may not, have done something that no one can talk about, (or even report on the accusations of) for fear of being sued.
Freedom of the press? Never heard of it, go peddle your wares elsewhere, yank!
No comment on the lies, the bombings, the rape, the death, no, No, and NO!
That's it, I've had it, I won't do it anymore and you can't make me.

Here Space.com has a nice story about how things are going very well for our probes headed to Mars.

Isn't that nice?
Things are going well somewhere.
Not on this insane freak show of a planet!
But somewhere, somewhere else, out there among the stars, things are really swimming along.

Mars.

I wish I were going.
You know what else? I would go even if I knew it was a one-way trip.
Just to get the hell away from here.

November 11, 2003

The Columbia Shuttle Memorial Trust.

November 10, 2003

What the . . . ?!?

I made the mistake of going to see the new Matrix movie this weekend.
To quote Frank Cross in Scrooged "Wow, did that suck!"
I'm not kidding here folks. We're talking hardcore sucking the likes of which we have not seen since Highlander Endgame, Battlefield Earth, or Star Trek V. This was one of the worst pieces of garbage ever to defile the big screen with its mere existence.
A good friend saw it first and tried to warn me. I teased him suggesting that maybe he just didn't 'get it'. So let me just say it here, publicly; John you were right, I'm really sorry man.
I don't want to put a bunch of spoilers here for any of you who are still holding out hope but here's a short-list of things that would have made the movie better.

1. A cameo by the Marvel Comics character "Ego: The Living Planet."
Oh wait; we had that, didn't we? "SPEAK."

2. Neo wakes up in his family's farmhouse and tells everyone about a strange dream he just had. "And you were there, and you were there. . ."

3. Agent Smith and Neo doing a song and dance number, in top hats, with canes.

4. Yet another character saying, "Because I believe" meaningfully into the camera, one . . . more . . time.

5. At least one actual philosophical insight woven into the dialog.
"Everything that has a beginning has an ending."
. . . Yeah, great, very deep, that really helps, that explains everything, thanks!

And finally, number 6, the last thing that could have saved this movie would have been if, at the end Rodney Dangerfield had run into the frame and yelled "Hey everyone, we're all gonna get laid!" Cue Journey - playing "Anyway you want it", fade to black, roll credits.

November 5, 2003

Alien Nightmare

I find myself in an empty field on a clear, cool night. No explanation, no history of how I got there. I'm there, and this is perfectly normal. The moon is full, the stars are clear. The trees that form the skyline on all sides of me are far enough away that I can see almost the whole sky. Everything is perfectly normal . . . except that the stars are perhaps too bright and clear. Suddenly there is flash of light near me on the field and a strange, sudden sound. My eyes go blind for a moment and when I can see again, an instant later, there it is. I say 'it' because I cannot even guess at the gender of the creature before me. It's a gray, you know all you need to know from those three words. It looks like every gray you've ever seen on TV or in the movies. No, that's not quite true, it looks exactly like the grays on SG1. It blinks at me with large black eyes that convey intelligence, and sadness. I do not run. I do not scream. I am calm in the face of this surreal circumstance.

"Hello," the creature says. It sounds male and so I begin to think of him in those terms immediately.

"Hello," I say back stupidly. "I always thought you guys were just fictional."

He nods back at me sagely, "Yes, well, that's what we wanted you to think."

This revelation lands on me like a ton of bricks.
He moves closer as he begins an explanation.

"You see our civilization is millions of years ahead of yours, and we explore the universe primarily through self replicating molecule sized spider-like nanites. Through these we are able to observe, and influence everything we see. We have been coming to your planet for thousands of years watching, studying, and influencing everything. Everything you know, your science, your history, your language, even your fiction; we control it all to some extent. We do the same thing on countless planets all over the galaxy and beyond."

This is all too much for me. I can't take it all in, but something sticks in my mind. What did he say about our language? He speaks English; in fact he speaks perfect English with a slight accent that I can't quite place. "You speak English?" I manage to say.

He makes a small motion somewhere between a shrug and slight head toss, like he's going to laugh. "You speak our language," he says, "actually there's really no such thing as English. Think about it; English, American English is almost completely derived from other native Earth languages, some living some dead, like Latin. What we do is observe your languages and then find sounds, symbols, and spoken words that match, or are close to our language. Then we design a basic language that you can understand and make sure it comes to prominence on your planet. Over time we refine and expand it to more closely match our language. It takes a long time, many generations, but through our influence we see to it, it gets done. Have you ever seen what is called old English? Can you read it? No, of course not. Intelligent beings under our influence throughout the galaxy all speak what you call English."

My head is spinning as I try to take this all in. "How do you influence us to that extent?" I ask.

"Well," he explains patiently, "our nanites don't merely infest the objects around you they also infest your physical person, including your brain."

My skin is crawling at the thought. "How is it that we've never found any of your nanites?" I ask.

"You lacked the ability to even try to detect them until recently and they are slightly out of phase so, even now, you would not be able to detect them. Also they are programmed to remain covert. They are of course quite intelligent. Please understand they are completely benign, they don't do any harm."

I need to change the subject. "What about all that other stuff? Our science?"

"Yes," he replies, "it's all true. Why do you think you have things like cloning, genetic engineering, plasma screen televisions, and a global data exchange system; while at the same time you can't even solve the simplest of problems of energy production, transportation, and resource distribution for yourselves?"

"I . . I don't know," I say out loud.

"Haven't you ever wondered when your sitting in a traffic jam, or in a hospital emergency room waiting for help, how is it you can have so much and so little at the same time?"

Actually I had. "What about the other thing you said, our fiction?" I'm becoming a bit frantic in the face of all of this.

He nods again sagely "When we first came here, your people were very primitive, we needed a means to educate and enlighten you about the universe, a means to convey strange ideas and concepts to you that would not upset you emotionally. So we allowed you to develop what you refer to as media."

'Oh no,' I think silently. I begin to see where this is going.

"Through our influence," he continues, "of your artist, writers, producers, and so on we were able to get our message across in the form of popular fiction."

"But," I interrupt him, "so much of that stuff is terrible."

He does the strange shrug at me again. "We don't write the stories themselves, we just influence the broad strokes, the various starship designs, or the whole idea of a Stargate system for instance, or warp drive. Then of course there are the various alien races, Vulcans, Klingons, Narn, Mimbari, Bajorans, Andorians, they're all real of course; but we couldn't introduce humanity to them without educating you about them first."

This was too much, I couldn't believe it, it couldn't be true. "No," I state flatly, "it can't all be true. Even in the context of the shows themselves there are contradictions, never mind between the various genres. Hell, in Star Trek alone, the various series' don't even agree with one another."

"That's true," he explains "but that's because we're restricted by the current level of your media technology, also we refine the ideas as we go along. That's why modern Klingons have those heads. They always had those heads, of course, but we needed to introduce the idea slowly, gradually. Most of the stories are influenced by historical references from within the various cultures themselves, and then there's the matter of . . ."

"How could you do all that?" I demanded. "All those people, how could you influence so many? How could you be sure that they would explain it the way you wanted them to?

"Well," he explains calmly, "we do it through their dreams mostly."

At this point I wake up, in a cold sweat.
Although there are many hours before dawn and the peace of the night goes undisturbed, I never do, quite, fall back to sleep.

Lunar Eclipse this Saturday

Space.com has an article about the impending Lunar eclipse here:
http://www.space.com/scienceastronomy/astronomy/top10_eclipse_031104-1.html

November 2, 2003

Pumpkins

Just a couple of quick shots from our very quiet Halloween. The theme this year was Pumpkins! Not that we intended it to be, it just sort of turned out that way.
Mine is on the right, as if you needed to be told. I didn't get the eyes quite right, but that just makes it more creepy. (With apologies to little gray folk, wherever they may be.)

Here is Mat in his costume Pumpkin hat. (Grandma Gina holding him and Aunt Jessica in the background.)

Here he is with Mom. (Grandma Gina made the costume, but you knew that.)

These are (in order) Gina's witch, a little jack-o'-lantern for Matt, Talia's, Jessica's
and Jessica's friend Chris' vampire.

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